Circumstances led to me spending a great deal of time with this as yet nameless individual. (Perhaps someone more familiar with Greek mythology could offer a suggestion?) It was not my intention to open my heart to him but it was really quite unavoidable. Working together on a project and spending 4 days mostly together, exchanging stories and getting to know one another on a deeper level, I realized the morning of the 5th day that I did indeed love him. As our relationship (as it was) was totally open and honest I felt it was natural to share this with him. He reciprocated with his own honesty and feelings.. and at that moment I realized I could be in trouble. More specifically, Poseidon and I could be in trouble. As I was only just beginning to realize what was happening I didn't know how to share this information with Poseidon. I was less than open with him about it because I was myself still figuring out what it really was. Was it real? Was it lasting? Was it significant enough that I would choose to disrupt our family, our marriage, for the raging oxytocin levels in my brain? I came home and thought long and hard about it. I eventually realized something that should have been clear to me from the beginning, but despite the openness in our sexual lives I hadn't applied that openness to love, especially when it came to an unbalanced situation that did not include Poseidon. With Penelope and Odysseus, the love that grew for them grew in both of us, for both of them. This situation was different. It was one-sided, unbalanced, and doesn't really leave any sort of opportunity for Poseidon to be enriched emotionally, other than the fact that I am now a happier person. That positive energy echos back into our relationship, which I will always consider primary. In talking about all of this Poseidon and I have grown even closer. The depth of our love and caring for one another has never been more evident and taking just that fact into account helps me to understand that opening ourselves up to outside loves could never be a bad thing if it's not kept hidden or made into something "bad" based on deception.
I know that when Poseidon and my new love finally get together that they will form a strong bond.. a friendship that will last a lifetime. They are very similar in so many ways, and yet different in so many as well. They share many of the same interests (not just me =) and hobbies.
Of course we have discussed the possibility of including my new love in my/our sex life. I always love a good DP and seldom have the opportunity to fulfill that desire and here is the perfect opportunity for me to have that on a more regular basis! Yay! But certainly that activity wouldn't be the only method in which we might bond. There are sure to be times when I want just him, or just Poseidon. How do we work that out? Do I draw up a calendar and schedule sex with them on certain days so that they both feel like they're getting their fair share of me? In a way that makes me feel like a piece of meat. Not that I don't love sex, and always have, but to be somehow obligated to perform brings with it a bad taste to my tongue. What will sleeping arrangements be like? Will there be room for the three of us in one bed? I love the idea, however Poseidon is at this moment less than warm to that possibility. It seems silly to me to require him to live elsewhere.. communal living arrangements in general makes so much more sense financially. So many questions.. and no chance yet to put any of it into practice to see how things might work out.
For now this all lives in a kind of fantasy realm in my head. I know that it is inevitable that we will have to figure out the details but for now we have other tasks to attend to. We have plenty of time to ponder such possibilities in the next few months. Interestingly enough, as my new love and I have not had sex, I find myself wondering what that might even be like. Although our emotional connection is deep and real, we may not click in bed. How would that be? It's strange to think about and yet exciting at the same time. For now I'm left to my fantasies.. hot sweaty passion with two men who love me immensely, then passing out together with one of them on either side of me.. pure heaven.
