On sex..

I've been lurking over on Justin & Betty's blog.. go check it out. They're at an interesting point in their journey and I've been thinking about what it all means to me. I think the best way to say it is thusly:

I love sex. I have since my hormones first started raging at the tender age of 13. Well.. no.. to be fair.. I was probably too freaked out by it all at 13 to really embrace it.. but by 14.. well that's another story. In those days we didn't know about AIDS and the big concern was pregnancy. It didn't take much to overcome that issue though so what was left was this amazing thing that was just awesome! Maybe I was just addicted to the oxytocin, but I loved sex and sought it out with guys who would not threaten my social position in 8th grade, as much of one as there was. They tended to be older, more experienced, more than happy to help educate a hot little blond slut of my tender years. I loved every minute of it. And, not to sound like I'm blowing my own horn here (he he) I loved that they had a pretty good time too.

I never saw sex for what a lot of the other girls I knew seemed to. They would use it as power, control, a few even entrapped men into marriage after they seemingly got pregnant intentionally. I lost a lot of respect for women in those days. Ha. They likely had no respect for me because I was the school slut, or so they may have guessed. I suppose the whole idea of just enjoying sex for sex's sake was a foreign concept to them. I didn't want or need any of that other baggage.. I just wanted to get off. And knowing that what I did was good at helping my partner get off was icing on the cake.

As I've grown and lived and life has evolved into more responsibility I still love sex. I still see it for what it is. It's just plain old sweaty fun. I watch my kids play in the sandbox, or swing on the swings, and I see them having their playtime the way they like it. Not that I don't love digging my toes down into the warm sand, and swinging is right up there on my list, but nothing.. NOTHING.. beats a 5 minute long orgasm. Now that's playtime the way I like it!

I feel sad for those women who can't embrace sex.. who have to use it for some other gain. I feel sad for their partners. They're both missing out on this amazing part of life that, I feel, should just be enjoyed just for the sake of enjoying it, for themselves and for their partner. I don't really understand it all, and I don't really need to. Thankfully, I'm not really in a position in life where I have to think about them all that often. Hm.. maybe that's why Poseidon and I can still fuck like bunnies if there's something brewing between us. We both see sex as a release.. I won't hold it from him because he didn't take out the garbage. I want it just as much as he does. We both derive benefit from the experience of sex. All that other nattering crap doesn't matter when he's pounding his cock deep in me, driving me to the brink of orgasm. Who gives a shit about the garbage at a time like that? Mmm.. just thinking about it is making me wet.

Ahem. The other component of this whole thing that I wanted to touch on is this. When I was young and having a great time exploring my sexuality I found I enjoyed very much the variety I was privy to. I never really seemed to latch on to one particular guy (or girl) choosing instead to remain free to pursue anybody I wanted. In a way, it may be that shared quality with many men that tended to make the male of the species a better friend to me. I never had an easy time making friends with women. Later introspection gave more explanations for that, but at the time I just felt more comfortable with guys. They didn't seem to play the same kinds of head games that the girls did. They seemed instead to be more interested in life for the experience, a perspective that I shared.

I was beginning to get concerned at sometime around 16 when I started to see other girls talking about long term relationships and commitment. Here these girls hadn't even yet gone off to college and actually seemed to be desirous of an exclusive relationship, with ONE guy, for the rest of their lives. I panicked. I wasn't sure what I wanted at that point, but I knew it wasn't that. I wanted to be able to have the variety I'd become accustomed to and enjoyed. But then I wanted kids, family, stability, security as well. I had begun to believe I would have to make a choice.

Then I met Poseidon who changed all of that. My naive little self hadn't considered that there was a third option. I learned it would be possible to have my cake and eat it too. We both loved sex for the sake of sex and we both enjoyed the other enjoying sex with others. We had a very interesting and unconventional relationship that broke the rules. Rules written by the society we are part of and, for the most part, are forced to conform to. Had we been raised in a society that said that every other Thursday you were allowed, nay expected, to go enjoy sex with someone other than your spouse, then none of us would have any hangups about doing it. We, as humans, only know what is taught to us when it comes to what's "normal". Despite what our society has taught us, I don't really see anything wrong with sex. It's interesting to think back on all the various reasons why sex became the closely guarded thing that it did but that's fodder for another post.

In the meantime, I think of the variety of sex with others than my life partner a bit like the variety I enjoy when I eat a meal. Sometimes I'm just in the mood for something different. It isn't so much that I wouldn't eat filet mignon at every dinner for the rest of my life, and enjoy it immensely, but sometimes I just feel like caviar, or pizza, or penne with truffle sauce, or a BBQ bacon cheeseburger, or whatever. Imagine a society in which it was expected that, once you hit some certain marker in your maturation, you are doomed to eat the same thing, day in and day out. I guess dogs do it.. and we could too.. but doing so would certainly not have the excitement and level of enjoyment that the variation provides for. And I enjoy that excitement. I enjoy the newness, the heart pounding exploration that goes with playing sexually with another person with whom I am not completely familiar. Interestingly enough, I love to cook. Sharing the meals I make with people who can appreciate them is gratifying to me. I enjoy them enjoying what I have created. Hm.. interesting.

I also happen to enjoy it when my husband gets to experience those same things. I know how amazing it is for me, and because we've talked about it, I know that it is just as amazing for Poseidon. I love that for him. I love for him to be able to experience the same excitement. It's a major concern.. if you're just doing it to make the other partner happy then you'll always feel resentment and these things will never work out. But, if you're doing it because you love it, and you love that your partner loves it too, and you derive enjoyment from their happiness, then I can't think of any reason why we wouldn't share ourselves by exploring and playing with others.

More complicated issues like balance come into the picture, of course, and the issues that keep us treating each other fairly are of the utmost concern. There's the whole issue of societal acceptance. I really am not all that concerned about what my neighbors think about me.. but still.. we do find ourselves quite concerned about appearances. Perhaps too much so. Having children amplifies that. We are not blind to the stigma, the unfair taunting they would have to endure if this sort of thing got out, and so we are careful. But in a mature, responsible group of people where there is no danger of divulgence or disease, I vote for wild sticky frolicking every other Thursday. At least.