We recently had a chance to chat with Justin & Betty. They are a lot of fun and I look forward to doing it again soon. One of the first things I was asked was how are things with "Mr. West Coast". It took me a second to realize to whom they were referring.. and as things have changed significantly.. he wasn't on the top of my thought pile.
I really don't want to get into all the details here.. for obvious reasons. Instead, I'm going to take the opportunity to just ramble about relationships instead. I'll try to make it good.. don't go just yet. =)
Traditionally, monogamous marriages provide a decent amount of security for the participants. You play the field.. figure out what you want.. and those of us lucky enough to find it get married. The uncertainty of the future fades away, replaced by idealized visions of what the happy family, complete with 2.3 kids, a dog and a house with a white picket fence might be like should we ever be able to attain it.
Time goes by, the individuals are typically exposed to varying experiences and personal growth curves, and inevitably, quite a large percentage of those unions end in divorce. The people they were when they thought things were so great are no longer as they have slowly morphed into different people. Those different people can't always see eye to eye and the fighting breaks out. Only 63% of American children grow up with both biological parents in the household. Since divorce is particularly devastating to the children, any method that could be conjured to prevent that separation, one might think, would be a good thing.
If the married couple with children can find a way to coexist for the benefit of the children (and perhaps for the benefit of themselves- all redeeming qualities of a spouse haven't likely ceased to exist entirely) then the family structure can be maintained on some level. The children might actually get to interact with each parent every day and will likely continue to feel the same security they would if the parents were truly still in love. I certainly remember classmates whose parents slept in different bedrooms. I recall various explanations; one of them snored loudly, one liked to read in bed and the light kept the other awake, among others. I wonder now if those marriages were some of those being held together for the benefit of the children.
But can we be happy in such an arrangement? Is it technically a "separation" if you're still residing in the same house? If terms and conditions can be worked out to allow an amicable coexistence, one NOT fraught with constant fighting, then in theory the children would be better off in the long run. It would take very mature individuals to be able to pull that off. Set aside the differences.. forget about the things that annoy the hell out of us.. just be friends to one another and be there for the family. Despite the possibility that the parents might not still be in love with each other, there is bound to be lingering love for each other. Love.. caring and concern for the others' well being.. one would think would still be there for the parent of our child(ren), if even not at the same level than was there historically.
If we can open up our minds and hearts sufficiently to allow this type of arrangement for the benefit of the children, then certainly we can be open to the idea of communal living with others we love. I picture large Italian villas filled with three generations of family members. Sure the fighting happens.. but the underlying caring is always there. In the end, it would take the parents, those who are separated but holding the family together for the sake of the children, to make decisions about what each of them wants or needs to feel complete again.
For some people there is nothing outside of themselves necessary to complete them. Yet many of us seek out companionship, friendship, and connections that deepen as the relationship evolves. It's a fundamental part of the human experience. We are not, by nature, solitude beings. How wonderful it would be to have complete faith and trust that the children are safe and well cared for by one of their parents, rather than a potentially sketchy baby sitter, when the time comes to spend time with persons other than the separated spouse. Balance and fairness certainly would come into play.. each party needs to feel they're getting their fair share of time to explore other options. But that's easy.. a simple agreement sets up the frequency and duration of such time.
So here we have a set up in which the children feel secure, there's no fighting about who gets the children on various birthdays and holidays, and the separated spouses can still draw upon each others' strengths. We've eliminated entirely the wasted funds required to maintain two separate households, not to mention the gasoline wasted driving back and forth from Mom's house to Dad's, and back again. It seems a very "green" solution. Inevitably, one or both of the parents are going to find new love. That new person is going to have some unconventionality to work through if they want to be a part of that parent's life.
In a way this is all a kind of prelude to what I had running through my mind when I found new love. It's not that Poseidon and I have grown so far apart that divorce would be the only option, but we do have our differences. It was my understanding that our relationship allowed for love outside of our primary relationship, but it would seem that is based entirely on balance and inclusion, rather than only ONE of us finding that deeper connection outside of the marriage. Poseidon felt excluded, shunned, and replaced by my relationship with "Mr. West Coast". Whereas I believed that he would be happy for me that I had found a connection with an amazing person, he was resentful and hurt that I would even consider such a thing.
We've discussed the implications at such great length that it became tiresome. Yet, through this process, I have a much better understanding of him and what drives him. I'm certain I have a better understanding of myself and what drives me. To be the recipient of another person's affections is wondrous, to be sure. To be made to feel like you're important to someone else is exhilarating. And when you hold each other, or kiss, and the connection feels unbreakable, like some bond that was meant to be, it's easy to let the partner by marriage slip a notch or two.
For most married people in a monogamous relationship, that occurrence in itself is the beginning of the end. Choices have to be made, arguments are generated in a bizarre psychological dance that is designed to distance ourselves from the old partner. Perhaps it's just nature saying "move on.. time for new genetic diversity in the species". Perhaps it's just inevitable as we grow, sometimes apart, that new and different connections are what keep us going.
Throughout all of this I never really questioned that Poseidon still loved me, and I knew that I still loved him. That primary bond, one that has existed essentially for my entire adult life, feels unbreakable. The secondary connections never quite seem to hold up to the same degree. Affections fade, attention and concern wanes, other priorities in that person's life squeeze you out. It's easy to feel confused, hurt and misguided. Why was it necessary for what was once okay to evaporate? Or maybe it never was okay and we were just deluding ourselves.. wishing to be something we were not. Maybe we're too concerned about hurting other more important people in our lives to risk it. Maybe it wasn't meant to be in the first place. Infatuation fades, pain sets in, the aching begins and we are left alone to find a way to heal.
Yet, thankfully, in this amazing marriage with Poseidon, I have never felt left alone. Through the pain we have each felt we have found new strength in ourselves along with new understanding. Was the pain worth it? Maybe. Probably. I don't think I'm jaded sufficiently that I would deny such a relationship should one wander my way in the future. I would, however, be a little more cautious next time.
Showing posts with label Polyamory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Polyamory. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
New Found Love
What a crazy month it's been! Having arrived back home after several weeks away I found myself inundated with chores of various natures to busy me and divert my thoughts from my new found love. Yes, that's right, an amazing man has captured my heart and has me excited about future possibilities. Physically, he's still very far away but I hope to fix that soon. This evolution has brought about much discussion between Poseidon and myself, most of which seems to center around his concerns based on him not actually knowing this person to whom I have given my heart.. at least part of it.. and how including this person in our lives might alter our relationship. My dearest Poseidon is watching out for me and doesn't want to see me get hurt. I appreciate immensely his caring and concern and know that it comes from his heart. This could prove to be some tricky stuff, depending on how we deal with it.
Circumstances led to me spending a great deal of time with this as yet nameless individual. (Perhaps someone more familiar with Greek mythology could offer a suggestion?) It was not my intention to open my heart to him but it was really quite unavoidable. Working together on a project and spending 4 days mostly together, exchanging stories and getting to know one another on a deeper level, I realized the morning of the 5th day that I did indeed love him. As our relationship (as it was) was totally open and honest I felt it was natural to share this with him. He reciprocated with his own honesty and feelings.. and at that moment I realized I could be in trouble. More specifically, Poseidon and I could be in trouble. As I was only just beginning to realize what was happening I didn't know how to share this information with Poseidon. I was less than open with him about it because I was myself still figuring out what it really was. Was it real? Was it lasting? Was it significant enough that I would choose to disrupt our family, our marriage, for the raging oxytocin levels in my brain? I came home and thought long and hard about it. I eventually realized something that should have been clear to me from the beginning, but despite the openness in our sexual lives I hadn't applied that openness to love, especially when it came to an unbalanced situation that did not include Poseidon. With Penelope and Odysseus, the love that grew for them grew in both of us, for both of them. This situation was different. It was one-sided, unbalanced, and doesn't really leave any sort of opportunity for Poseidon to be enriched emotionally, other than the fact that I am now a happier person. That positive energy echos back into our relationship, which I will always consider primary. In talking about all of this Poseidon and I have grown even closer. The depth of our love and caring for one another has never been more evident and taking just that fact into account helps me to understand that opening ourselves up to outside loves could never be a bad thing if it's not kept hidden or made into something "bad" based on deception.
I know that when Poseidon and my new love finally get together that they will form a strong bond.. a friendship that will last a lifetime. They are very similar in so many ways, and yet different in so many as well. They share many of the same interests (not just me =) and hobbies.
Of course we have discussed the possibility of including my new love in my/our sex life. I always love a good DP and seldom have the opportunity to fulfill that desire and here is the perfect opportunity for me to have that on a more regular basis! Yay! But certainly that activity wouldn't be the only method in which we might bond. There are sure to be times when I want just him, or just Poseidon. How do we work that out? Do I draw up a calendar and schedule sex with them on certain days so that they both feel like they're getting their fair share of me? In a way that makes me feel like a piece of meat. Not that I don't love sex, and always have, but to be somehow obligated to perform brings with it a bad taste to my tongue. What will sleeping arrangements be like? Will there be room for the three of us in one bed? I love the idea, however Poseidon is at this moment less than warm to that possibility. It seems silly to me to require him to live elsewhere.. communal living arrangements in general makes so much more sense financially. So many questions.. and no chance yet to put any of it into practice to see how things might work out.
For now this all lives in a kind of fantasy realm in my head. I know that it is inevitable that we will have to figure out the details but for now we have other tasks to attend to. We have plenty of time to ponder such possibilities in the next few months. Interestingly enough, as my new love and I have not had sex, I find myself wondering what that might even be like. Although our emotional connection is deep and real, we may not click in bed. How would that be? It's strange to think about and yet exciting at the same time. For now I'm left to my fantasies.. hot sweaty passion with two men who love me immensely, then passing out together with one of them on either side of me.. pure heaven.
Circumstances led to me spending a great deal of time with this as yet nameless individual. (Perhaps someone more familiar with Greek mythology could offer a suggestion?) It was not my intention to open my heart to him but it was really quite unavoidable. Working together on a project and spending 4 days mostly together, exchanging stories and getting to know one another on a deeper level, I realized the morning of the 5th day that I did indeed love him. As our relationship (as it was) was totally open and honest I felt it was natural to share this with him. He reciprocated with his own honesty and feelings.. and at that moment I realized I could be in trouble. More specifically, Poseidon and I could be in trouble. As I was only just beginning to realize what was happening I didn't know how to share this information with Poseidon. I was less than open with him about it because I was myself still figuring out what it really was. Was it real? Was it lasting? Was it significant enough that I would choose to disrupt our family, our marriage, for the raging oxytocin levels in my brain? I came home and thought long and hard about it. I eventually realized something that should have been clear to me from the beginning, but despite the openness in our sexual lives I hadn't applied that openness to love, especially when it came to an unbalanced situation that did not include Poseidon. With Penelope and Odysseus, the love that grew for them grew in both of us, for both of them. This situation was different. It was one-sided, unbalanced, and doesn't really leave any sort of opportunity for Poseidon to be enriched emotionally, other than the fact that I am now a happier person. That positive energy echos back into our relationship, which I will always consider primary. In talking about all of this Poseidon and I have grown even closer. The depth of our love and caring for one another has never been more evident and taking just that fact into account helps me to understand that opening ourselves up to outside loves could never be a bad thing if it's not kept hidden or made into something "bad" based on deception.
I know that when Poseidon and my new love finally get together that they will form a strong bond.. a friendship that will last a lifetime. They are very similar in so many ways, and yet different in so many as well. They share many of the same interests (not just me =) and hobbies.
Of course we have discussed the possibility of including my new love in my/our sex life. I always love a good DP and seldom have the opportunity to fulfill that desire and here is the perfect opportunity for me to have that on a more regular basis! Yay! But certainly that activity wouldn't be the only method in which we might bond. There are sure to be times when I want just him, or just Poseidon. How do we work that out? Do I draw up a calendar and schedule sex with them on certain days so that they both feel like they're getting their fair share of me? In a way that makes me feel like a piece of meat. Not that I don't love sex, and always have, but to be somehow obligated to perform brings with it a bad taste to my tongue. What will sleeping arrangements be like? Will there be room for the three of us in one bed? I love the idea, however Poseidon is at this moment less than warm to that possibility. It seems silly to me to require him to live elsewhere.. communal living arrangements in general makes so much more sense financially. So many questions.. and no chance yet to put any of it into practice to see how things might work out.
For now this all lives in a kind of fantasy realm in my head. I know that it is inevitable that we will have to figure out the details but for now we have other tasks to attend to. We have plenty of time to ponder such possibilities in the next few months. Interestingly enough, as my new love and I have not had sex, I find myself wondering what that might even be like. Although our emotional connection is deep and real, we may not click in bed. How would that be? It's strange to think about and yet exciting at the same time. For now I'm left to my fantasies.. hot sweaty passion with two men who love me immensely, then passing out together with one of them on either side of me.. pure heaven.
Monday, September 7, 2009
On sex..
I've been lurking over on Justin & Betty's blog.. go check it out. They're at an interesting point in their journey and I've been thinking about what it all means to me. I think the best way to say it is thusly:
I love sex. I have since my hormones first started raging at the tender age of 13. Well.. no.. to be fair.. I was probably too freaked out by it all at 13 to really embrace it.. but by 14.. well that's another story. In those days we didn't know about AIDS and the big concern was pregnancy. It didn't take much to overcome that issue though so what was left was this amazing thing that was just awesome! Maybe I was just addicted to the oxytocin, but I loved sex and sought it out with guys who would not threaten my social position in 8th grade, as much of one as there was. They tended to be older, more experienced, more than happy to help educate a hot little blond slut of my tender years. I loved every minute of it. And, not to sound like I'm blowing my own horn here (he he) I loved that they had a pretty good time too.
I never saw sex for what a lot of the other girls I knew seemed to. They would use it as power, control, a few even entrapped men into marriage after they seemingly got pregnant intentionally. I lost a lot of respect for women in those days. Ha. They likely had no respect for me because I was the school slut, or so they may have guessed. I suppose the whole idea of just enjoying sex for sex's sake was a foreign concept to them. I didn't want or need any of that other baggage.. I just wanted to get off. And knowing that what I did was good at helping my partner get off was icing on the cake.
As I've grown and lived and life has evolved into more responsibility I still love sex. I still see it for what it is. It's just plain old sweaty fun. I watch my kids play in the sandbox, or swing on the swings, and I see them having their playtime the way they like it. Not that I don't love digging my toes down into the warm sand, and swinging is right up there on my list, but nothing.. NOTHING.. beats a 5 minute long orgasm. Now that's playtime the way I like it!
I feel sad for those women who can't embrace sex.. who have to use it for some other gain. I feel sad for their partners. They're both missing out on this amazing part of life that, I feel, should just be enjoyed just for the sake of enjoying it, for themselves and for their partner. I don't really understand it all, and I don't really need to. Thankfully, I'm not really in a position in life where I have to think about them all that often. Hm.. maybe that's why Poseidon and I can still fuck like bunnies if there's something brewing between us. We both see sex as a release.. I won't hold it from him because he didn't take out the garbage. I want it just as much as he does. We both derive benefit from the experience of sex. All that other nattering crap doesn't matter when he's pounding his cock deep in me, driving me to the brink of orgasm. Who gives a shit about the garbage at a time like that? Mmm.. just thinking about it is making me wet.
Ahem. The other component of this whole thing that I wanted to touch on is this. When I was young and having a great time exploring my sexuality I found I enjoyed very much the variety I was privy to. I never really seemed to latch on to one particular guy (or girl) choosing instead to remain free to pursue anybody I wanted. In a way, it may be that shared quality with many men that tended to make the male of the species a better friend to me. I never had an easy time making friends with women. Later introspection gave more explanations for that, but at the time I just felt more comfortable with guys. They didn't seem to play the same kinds of head games that the girls did. They seemed instead to be more interested in life for the experience, a perspective that I shared.
I was beginning to get concerned at sometime around 16 when I started to see other girls talking about long term relationships and commitment. Here these girls hadn't even yet gone off to college and actually seemed to be desirous of an exclusive relationship, with ONE guy, for the rest of their lives. I panicked. I wasn't sure what I wanted at that point, but I knew it wasn't that. I wanted to be able to have the variety I'd become accustomed to and enjoyed. But then I wanted kids, family, stability, security as well. I had begun to believe I would have to make a choice.
Then I met Poseidon who changed all of that. My naive little self hadn't considered that there was a third option. I learned it would be possible to have my cake and eat it too. We both loved sex for the sake of sex and we both enjoyed the other enjoying sex with others. We had a very interesting and unconventional relationship that broke the rules. Rules written by the society we are part of and, for the most part, are forced to conform to. Had we been raised in a society that said that every other Thursday you were allowed, nay expected, to go enjoy sex with someone other than your spouse, then none of us would have any hangups about doing it. We, as humans, only know what is taught to us when it comes to what's "normal". Despite what our society has taught us, I don't really see anything wrong with sex. It's interesting to think back on all the various reasons why sex became the closely guarded thing that it did but that's fodder for another post.
In the meantime, I think of the variety of sex with others than my life partner a bit like the variety I enjoy when I eat a meal. Sometimes I'm just in the mood for something different. It isn't so much that I wouldn't eat filet mignon at every dinner for the rest of my life, and enjoy it immensely, but sometimes I just feel like caviar, or pizza, or penne with truffle sauce, or a BBQ bacon cheeseburger, or whatever. Imagine a society in which it was expected that, once you hit some certain marker in your maturation, you are doomed to eat the same thing, day in and day out. I guess dogs do it.. and we could too.. but doing so would certainly not have the excitement and level of enjoyment that the variation provides for. And I enjoy that excitement. I enjoy the newness, the heart pounding exploration that goes with playing sexually with another person with whom I am not completely familiar. Interestingly enough, I love to cook. Sharing the meals I make with people who can appreciate them is gratifying to me. I enjoy them enjoying what I have created. Hm.. interesting.
I also happen to enjoy it when my husband gets to experience those same things. I know how amazing it is for me, and because we've talked about it, I know that it is just as amazing for Poseidon. I love that for him. I love for him to be able to experience the same excitement. It's a major concern.. if you're just doing it to make the other partner happy then you'll always feel resentment and these things will never work out. But, if you're doing it because you love it, and you love that your partner loves it too, and you derive enjoyment from their happiness, then I can't think of any reason why we wouldn't share ourselves by exploring and playing with others.
More complicated issues like balance come into the picture, of course, and the issues that keep us treating each other fairly are of the utmost concern. There's the whole issue of societal acceptance. I really am not all that concerned about what my neighbors think about me.. but still.. we do find ourselves quite concerned about appearances. Perhaps too much so. Having children amplifies that. We are not blind to the stigma, the unfair taunting they would have to endure if this sort of thing got out, and so we are careful. But in a mature, responsible group of people where there is no danger of divulgence or disease, I vote for wild sticky frolicking every other Thursday. At least.
I love sex. I have since my hormones first started raging at the tender age of 13. Well.. no.. to be fair.. I was probably too freaked out by it all at 13 to really embrace it.. but by 14.. well that's another story. In those days we didn't know about AIDS and the big concern was pregnancy. It didn't take much to overcome that issue though so what was left was this amazing thing that was just awesome! Maybe I was just addicted to the oxytocin, but I loved sex and sought it out with guys who would not threaten my social position in 8th grade, as much of one as there was. They tended to be older, more experienced, more than happy to help educate a hot little blond slut of my tender years. I loved every minute of it. And, not to sound like I'm blowing my own horn here (he he) I loved that they had a pretty good time too.
I never saw sex for what a lot of the other girls I knew seemed to. They would use it as power, control, a few even entrapped men into marriage after they seemingly got pregnant intentionally. I lost a lot of respect for women in those days. Ha. They likely had no respect for me because I was the school slut, or so they may have guessed. I suppose the whole idea of just enjoying sex for sex's sake was a foreign concept to them. I didn't want or need any of that other baggage.. I just wanted to get off. And knowing that what I did was good at helping my partner get off was icing on the cake.
As I've grown and lived and life has evolved into more responsibility I still love sex. I still see it for what it is. It's just plain old sweaty fun. I watch my kids play in the sandbox, or swing on the swings, and I see them having their playtime the way they like it. Not that I don't love digging my toes down into the warm sand, and swinging is right up there on my list, but nothing.. NOTHING.. beats a 5 minute long orgasm. Now that's playtime the way I like it!
I feel sad for those women who can't embrace sex.. who have to use it for some other gain. I feel sad for their partners. They're both missing out on this amazing part of life that, I feel, should just be enjoyed just for the sake of enjoying it, for themselves and for their partner. I don't really understand it all, and I don't really need to. Thankfully, I'm not really in a position in life where I have to think about them all that often. Hm.. maybe that's why Poseidon and I can still fuck like bunnies if there's something brewing between us. We both see sex as a release.. I won't hold it from him because he didn't take out the garbage. I want it just as much as he does. We both derive benefit from the experience of sex. All that other nattering crap doesn't matter when he's pounding his cock deep in me, driving me to the brink of orgasm. Who gives a shit about the garbage at a time like that? Mmm.. just thinking about it is making me wet.
Ahem. The other component of this whole thing that I wanted to touch on is this. When I was young and having a great time exploring my sexuality I found I enjoyed very much the variety I was privy to. I never really seemed to latch on to one particular guy (or girl) choosing instead to remain free to pursue anybody I wanted. In a way, it may be that shared quality with many men that tended to make the male of the species a better friend to me. I never had an easy time making friends with women. Later introspection gave more explanations for that, but at the time I just felt more comfortable with guys. They didn't seem to play the same kinds of head games that the girls did. They seemed instead to be more interested in life for the experience, a perspective that I shared.
I was beginning to get concerned at sometime around 16 when I started to see other girls talking about long term relationships and commitment. Here these girls hadn't even yet gone off to college and actually seemed to be desirous of an exclusive relationship, with ONE guy, for the rest of their lives. I panicked. I wasn't sure what I wanted at that point, but I knew it wasn't that. I wanted to be able to have the variety I'd become accustomed to and enjoyed. But then I wanted kids, family, stability, security as well. I had begun to believe I would have to make a choice.
Then I met Poseidon who changed all of that. My naive little self hadn't considered that there was a third option. I learned it would be possible to have my cake and eat it too. We both loved sex for the sake of sex and we both enjoyed the other enjoying sex with others. We had a very interesting and unconventional relationship that broke the rules. Rules written by the society we are part of and, for the most part, are forced to conform to. Had we been raised in a society that said that every other Thursday you were allowed, nay expected, to go enjoy sex with someone other than your spouse, then none of us would have any hangups about doing it. We, as humans, only know what is taught to us when it comes to what's "normal". Despite what our society has taught us, I don't really see anything wrong with sex. It's interesting to think back on all the various reasons why sex became the closely guarded thing that it did but that's fodder for another post.
In the meantime, I think of the variety of sex with others than my life partner a bit like the variety I enjoy when I eat a meal. Sometimes I'm just in the mood for something different. It isn't so much that I wouldn't eat filet mignon at every dinner for the rest of my life, and enjoy it immensely, but sometimes I just feel like caviar, or pizza, or penne with truffle sauce, or a BBQ bacon cheeseburger, or whatever. Imagine a society in which it was expected that, once you hit some certain marker in your maturation, you are doomed to eat the same thing, day in and day out. I guess dogs do it.. and we could too.. but doing so would certainly not have the excitement and level of enjoyment that the variation provides for. And I enjoy that excitement. I enjoy the newness, the heart pounding exploration that goes with playing sexually with another person with whom I am not completely familiar. Interestingly enough, I love to cook. Sharing the meals I make with people who can appreciate them is gratifying to me. I enjoy them enjoying what I have created. Hm.. interesting.
I also happen to enjoy it when my husband gets to experience those same things. I know how amazing it is for me, and because we've talked about it, I know that it is just as amazing for Poseidon. I love that for him. I love for him to be able to experience the same excitement. It's a major concern.. if you're just doing it to make the other partner happy then you'll always feel resentment and these things will never work out. But, if you're doing it because you love it, and you love that your partner loves it too, and you derive enjoyment from their happiness, then I can't think of any reason why we wouldn't share ourselves by exploring and playing with others.
More complicated issues like balance come into the picture, of course, and the issues that keep us treating each other fairly are of the utmost concern. There's the whole issue of societal acceptance. I really am not all that concerned about what my neighbors think about me.. but still.. we do find ourselves quite concerned about appearances. Perhaps too much so. Having children amplifies that. We are not blind to the stigma, the unfair taunting they would have to endure if this sort of thing got out, and so we are careful. But in a mature, responsible group of people where there is no danger of divulgence or disease, I vote for wild sticky frolicking every other Thursday. At least.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Where's My Crystal Ball?
As a child, before I met Poseidon, I had this idealized vision of what "the one" for me would be. I seriously doubted that I would ever find the man or woman who was my vision of perfection, but I still had hope. Then I met Poseidon. And although not the ultimate definition of what I wanted in that "perfect love", we connected on basically everything. We were so alike in so many ways, the friendship we developed was enough for me to dismiss my prior dreams as childish and recognize that he was what I needed. I gave up the fantasy and loved him completely. We were great partners, companions, friends. My best friend, in fact. I never doubted our emotional connection, although there were times that I wished that he could be a little more feeling, a little more connected to me emotionally. I understood logically that it just wasn't that way and accepted it. We shared decades together on exactly the same page.
Then one day I found myself on an interesting journey with my life partner. We explored new concepts of sharing love.. not just sex. We met Penelope and Odysseus and got to know them. We spent countless hours in chat, writing emails, on the phone, and eventually in person. Everyone here knows what an amazing guy Odysseus is, and pretty early on I felt that "there he is" feeling. Here was a man who could feel me. And, it seemed, we connected deeply. We held back no emotions and all jumped into the experience without reservations. It was amazing. I had discovered that it was not too late to find "the one" and basked in the assurance that having that dream could still happen, albeit in an unusual union of 4 instead of 2.
Then real life happened. There were difficulties integrating "the secret" into every day life. Big and little things had to be figured out, discomforts dealt with, boundaries and limitations put in place. Emotions soared out of control on occasion, but it was all part of the process of integrating each other into our lives.. into reality. We all knew we could not continue living that fantasy and so things changed to be more agreeable, more comfortable, more sustainable, for us all. Emotions were reigned in and sex was out. Somewhere around that time Penelope and Odysseus got pregnant.. and any remaining show of affections seemingly vanished overnight.
I grieved for what I had found and then lost. Although the "no sex" rule had been put in place there had never been any spoken requirement to shut off emotions.. and yet it seemed that was exactly what had happened. It confused me.. was it ever real? Was it all just more ego stroking? Doubts soared, and those coupled with all that was going on with Hera, and virtually no discussion about it, left me lost. Meanwhile I wanted, no needed, that connection from Poseidon more than ever.. but it's just not in his nature. I felt guilty for wanting more than Poseidon could give me.. no matter how much I wanted him to. I felt resentment and anger towards Poseidon for not being that for me, for not wanting to be that for me, assuming he could be if he even did want to be. We suffered communication and emotional breakdown. I picked him apart, found (or agreed with) every fault and tried, subconsciously, to divide us. Perhaps my twisted logic said that if he wasn't there I wouldn't have to endure the guilt and confusion of all that was spinning around uncontrollably in my head. It didn't help that he responded with anger and confusion of his own, fueling the path to destruction.
But we're stronger than that at our core. We picked it apart, we talked about it, analyzing it till we were both so drained there was simply no energy left. With our base logic and the tremendous support we have for each other, plus a core belief that we should each do everything we can to help the other be happy, we figured out what was going on and were able to see it for what it was. It's taken a lot of effort to get here. Penelope and Odysseus have themselves been remarkably helpful and supportive through this process that they no doubt found exceptionally confusing.. and perhaps even scary at times. The exploration of self, of what drives us and our reactions, has been intense and exhausting, but I wouldn't change a thing. Penelope and I have become great friends and I love her tremendously. I'm torn apart by wanting more from her and Odysseus than they are comfortable giving, and the comfort and security I want her to feel knowing SHE is the only one who is important to Odysseus, the only one he would choose to love.
Having realized all of this has smoothed things with Poseidon again. We're best friends, and always will be. I'm hopeful that he can come to a place soon where he can forgive me completely for what I've put him through. With each of these challenges that we're faced with and are able to work through, our love for each other grows and is strengthened, and I've never felt more in love with Poseidon than I do right now.Then one day I found myself on an interesting journey with my life partner. We explored new concepts of sharing love.. not just sex. We met Penelope and Odysseus and got to know them. We spent countless hours in chat, writing emails, on the phone, and eventually in person. Everyone here knows what an amazing guy Odysseus is, and pretty early on I felt that "there he is" feeling. Here was a man who could feel me. And, it seemed, we connected deeply. We held back no emotions and all jumped into the experience without reservations. It was amazing. I had discovered that it was not too late to find "the one" and basked in the assurance that having that dream could still happen, albeit in an unusual union of 4 instead of 2.
Then real life happened. There were difficulties integrating "the secret" into every day life. Big and little things had to be figured out, discomforts dealt with, boundaries and limitations put in place. Emotions soared out of control on occasion, but it was all part of the process of integrating each other into our lives.. into reality. We all knew we could not continue living that fantasy and so things changed to be more agreeable, more comfortable, more sustainable, for us all. Emotions were reigned in and sex was out. Somewhere around that time Penelope and Odysseus got pregnant.. and any remaining show of affections seemingly vanished overnight.
I grieved for what I had found and then lost. Although the "no sex" rule had been put in place there had never been any spoken requirement to shut off emotions.. and yet it seemed that was exactly what had happened. It confused me.. was it ever real? Was it all just more ego stroking? Doubts soared, and those coupled with all that was going on with Hera, and virtually no discussion about it, left me lost. Meanwhile I wanted, no needed, that connection from Poseidon more than ever.. but it's just not in his nature. I felt guilty for wanting more than Poseidon could give me.. no matter how much I wanted him to. I felt resentment and anger towards Poseidon for not being that for me, for not wanting to be that for me, assuming he could be if he even did want to be. We suffered communication and emotional breakdown. I picked him apart, found (or agreed with) every fault and tried, subconsciously, to divide us. Perhaps my twisted logic said that if he wasn't there I wouldn't have to endure the guilt and confusion of all that was spinning around uncontrollably in my head. It didn't help that he responded with anger and confusion of his own, fueling the path to destruction.
But we're stronger than that at our core. We picked it apart, we talked about it, analyzing it till we were both so drained there was simply no energy left. With our base logic and the tremendous support we have for each other, plus a core belief that we should each do everything we can to help the other be happy, we figured out what was going on and were able to see it for what it was. It's taken a lot of effort to get here. Penelope and Odysseus have themselves been remarkably helpful and supportive through this process that they no doubt found exceptionally confusing.. and perhaps even scary at times. The exploration of self, of what drives us and our reactions, has been intense and exhausting, but I wouldn't change a thing. Penelope and I have become great friends and I love her tremendously. I'm torn apart by wanting more from her and Odysseus than they are comfortable giving, and the comfort and security I want her to feel knowing SHE is the only one who is important to Odysseus, the only one he would choose to love.
As for the 4 of us.. I can dream of a time when we can all share our love openly and securely amongst ourselves without concern for the oppressive views of society.. just truly loving each other together in love's most perfect form. It may be possible if we can focus on the positive energy and support and let go of the fear. As the strength and beauty of what our group is can only be had with all of us present and participating, division from within would be certain destruction. Only the future knows what may come, and its not sharing any secrets.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Catching Up...
Lots going on around here.. and posting about it all before now seemed.. well.. possibly detrimental. We had, up until recently, still been working through some remaining issues that were hindering understanding in a few areas. Thankfully, we seem to have worked through what remaining bits of reservations we may have had lingering and are in a much better place with our relationship. I will try to add a little bit to what Penelope wrote.
One thing I should say that I think might be useful to some is that Poseidon and I were very private people before this transition in our lives. We focused pretty exclusively on ourselves and our kids and didn't really have close friends with whom we could share more intimate elements of ourselves. It had been a few years since any poly adventures and meeting O & P, with whom we had so much in common, plus the potential benefits of hot and sweaty fun, was amazing.
It was so easy to fall in love.. this relationship was so much more than the purely physical adventures we'd experienced before. We connected on so many levels.. it just felt right. But in the excitement we didn't recognize a few key differences that have caused some confusion. One of those was that Poseidon and I have the poly philosophy ingrained in us to our cores. Although we recognized that might not the case for O & P, and that they were new to these adventures, I don't think either of us really considered the possibility that it could be just an experimental phase.. that it might be possible to shut that part of our relationship off and go on as if nothing had ever happened in our collective sweaty nakedness. And when that turn came we were indeed confused and left wondering what had happened. Our communication at that point had not yet matured completely to where we could discuss it openly.. and on some levels I'm pretty sure we all just needed some time to breathe and figure out what it was that was going on. Of course the pregnancy was a big part of that and we tried to always respect their needs for time and space to process what was going on. But there were definitely times when we wondered if the pull back may have been caused by us.. or something we had done.. or said.. or whatever. Insecurities have a way of rearing their ugly heads in situations like that.
Another difference we discovered is that (and perhaps this is a universal human trait.. would have to do more research on this) we tend to look at the actions of others and assign our own motivations to them had we performed the same actions. It took some time to figure out that each of us has different perceptions of events based on what our lives have taught us.. and no matter how similar we may be in some areas.. we are different in others. Recognizing that difference in perspective.. the difference in our lenses.. has cleared the way for much better understanding. It's hard enough sometimes for a husband and wife to learn those differences in each other.. but then throw in a second husband and wife.. so now you have four people learning those differences in each other.. and you're bound to run into misinterpretations. It's taken a lot of patience and a strong core friendship to get us through those.
We are learning a lot about what drives us, how we respond to various situations, what the bases for our reactions are. We are all very analytical and love to explore these points so it's been ultimately beneficial to go through this (I think). We're exceptionally lucky in that we are all supportive of each other and can open up completely without feeling like we'll be judged or shunned. I think that strong base friendship has been the key to this whole thing.. it has been the glue that binds us together.
One thing I should say that I think might be useful to some is that Poseidon and I were very private people before this transition in our lives. We focused pretty exclusively on ourselves and our kids and didn't really have close friends with whom we could share more intimate elements of ourselves. It had been a few years since any poly adventures and meeting O & P, with whom we had so much in common, plus the potential benefits of hot and sweaty fun, was amazing.
It was so easy to fall in love.. this relationship was so much more than the purely physical adventures we'd experienced before. We connected on so many levels.. it just felt right. But in the excitement we didn't recognize a few key differences that have caused some confusion. One of those was that Poseidon and I have the poly philosophy ingrained in us to our cores. Although we recognized that might not the case for O & P, and that they were new to these adventures, I don't think either of us really considered the possibility that it could be just an experimental phase.. that it might be possible to shut that part of our relationship off and go on as if nothing had ever happened in our collective sweaty nakedness. And when that turn came we were indeed confused and left wondering what had happened. Our communication at that point had not yet matured completely to where we could discuss it openly.. and on some levels I'm pretty sure we all just needed some time to breathe and figure out what it was that was going on. Of course the pregnancy was a big part of that and we tried to always respect their needs for time and space to process what was going on. But there were definitely times when we wondered if the pull back may have been caused by us.. or something we had done.. or said.. or whatever. Insecurities have a way of rearing their ugly heads in situations like that.
Another difference we discovered is that (and perhaps this is a universal human trait.. would have to do more research on this) we tend to look at the actions of others and assign our own motivations to them had we performed the same actions. It took some time to figure out that each of us has different perceptions of events based on what our lives have taught us.. and no matter how similar we may be in some areas.. we are different in others. Recognizing that difference in perspective.. the difference in our lenses.. has cleared the way for much better understanding. It's hard enough sometimes for a husband and wife to learn those differences in each other.. but then throw in a second husband and wife.. so now you have four people learning those differences in each other.. and you're bound to run into misinterpretations. It's taken a lot of patience and a strong core friendship to get us through those.
We are learning a lot about what drives us, how we respond to various situations, what the bases for our reactions are. We are all very analytical and love to explore these points so it's been ultimately beneficial to go through this (I think). We're exceptionally lucky in that we are all supportive of each other and can open up completely without feeling like we'll be judged or shunned. I think that strong base friendship has been the key to this whole thing.. it has been the glue that binds us together.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Fire (by Athena)
I've been holding off posting this as Poseidon has not yet had a chance to write his version of things in the proper sequence. However, in order to avoid getting any further behind, I'm posting this now anyway. He can get caught up when things.. um.. settle down.
Food. Poseidon was hungry. We had some pasta left over from a prior meal and I put it on the stove to reheat. It had been left in the pot from cooking and had quite a bit of water covering the noodles and of course the oil that had been put in from that as well. I was wearing the skirt O mentioned, which was apparently having the desired result, and he invited me for some private time in the bedroom. I made sure Poseidon knew the noodles were heating on the stove, checked with him to make sure he was ok with us stealing away, and we vanished behind the door. From that moment forward I paid no attention to the noises, or lack thereof, coming from the other side of that door.
I think O threw me to the bed. He rather caught me by surprise.. but only so much. I was intoxicated with his passion. When he reached for my panties I was indeed surprised. I may have had some reservations as I hadn't showered that morning.. and I certainly didn't want to be smelling odd the first time O would go down on me. There was also the newness in that this was the first time O and I had been alone together sexually. I suppose I may have had a combination of factors on my mind, but I was ultimately thrilled to be on the receiving end. He seemed to know just where to find my g spot.. and my clit hadn't been brought to life that quickly in memory. His technique was flawless and he made me cum at least twice, probably thrice. We discussed how my orgasms are different from Penelope's and how he hadn't been able to tell for sure. But I assured him he was perfect.
Then it was my turn.. and I did indeed get to suck him again. I love sucking O's cock.. and the chance to practice my deep throating techniques with him is always welcome. I sloppily stroked and sucked him, eagerly exploring the responses I would get with various techniques, until he shot his load on my tongue. As we lay together on the bed in the moments after I remember hearing the beeping. I don't think it had been going prior to that point as all the smoke alarms in the house were tied together.. and the one in the bedroom was certainly loud enough to get your attention.. no matter what you were up to. After commenting that I didn't like that noise I got up, checked the temperature of the door (cool) and opened it. Upon exiting to the hallway I saw that the house was indeed full of smoke. A few steps further and the pillar of flames caught by my peripheral vision had me running to the stove. It's a good thing I didn't panic.. I actually did what you're supposed to do.. I suffocated the flames by placing another pan that happened to be right there over the top of the pot. It worked! O grabbed the pot and took it outside.. which at first I thought was a little odd but then I realized it was still spewing forth tons of smoke.. and yes.. I saw him remove the pan to peek down in there and the sudden rush of oxygen reignited the fire. We sheepishly ran around opening every door and window and wondering where everyone else was. Apparently.. Poseidon had gotten.. um.. distracted.. and that meal would never be.
What I found most amazing about the whole thing was that it took that long for all the water to boil out and the oil to get hot enough to ignite. No permanent damage done and a good story to tell. I don't think I'll ever look at a fire quite the same way. ;)
The discovered variations in our orgasms became fodder for conversation later in the day. I was curious to explore this with the two men who knew them and could make the comparisons. I suppose it's the scientist in me taking control but I found it fascinating to discover that our orgasms could have such different qualities. Penelope sort of quivers when she cums. I do not. My orgasms are more of a wave like clamping, with the intensity of the clamping changing.
After dinner and drinks we again retreated to the loft. It seemed a good time to try out the mind altering herb we'd been saving. I think we were all transported to a different plane, but O is right.. the two of us were having so much fun talking and laughing that sex was the last thing on our minds. I remember having the conversation.. "shouldn't we be doing something?" with a hearty giggle.. but we both agreed we were having too much fun as it was.. and enjoying immensely the connection we had formed. At one point I remember going down to the kitchen for some juice.. and as long as I was down there I made a side trip to pee. While I was there in the aloneness of my mind I came to a realization about something that had been nagging at me, albeit in a somewhat subliminal way. I was relieved with this awareness and excited to share it with O. I felt comfortable enough with him by this point to share with him my deepest thoughts, fears and concerns. And, in his usual understanding fashion, he absorbed, accepted, and pulled me into him and we became one.
It had gotten quite late and the noises coming from P & P had subsided. They were sound asleep, appearing quite comfortable where they were. It looked inviting. But the question of what to do about sleeping was a tough one. O was definitely not comfortable where we were. I didn't want to miss out on cuddling with him if he went downstairs to the bedroom by himself. So.. in our half sober state we argued the points as if on the high school debate team and came to the conclusion that it would be innocent enough to simply go sleep in the big bed.. and everybody would be comfortable. Again.. this activity was something we'd all done before, and everybody had been comfortable enough with it the previous time.. so why be concerned this time.
But upon arrival in the bedroom another dilemma appeared.. which side? I'm easy and don't really have a preference and so I wanted O to make that determination as to which side he would sleep on. I recall a debate about whether Penelope might be taken aback if she were to find me sleeping on "her" side.. in "her" spot.. and so it was decided that O would sleep in that spot.. just so nobody would think they were being replaced. We turned out the light and snuggled up. When we heard the door open I was half asleep.. half stoned.. half terrified. The light flicked on.. stunning me like a deer in the headlights.. and I shot out of there and said goodnight. I suppose some part of me realized Penelope truly belonged in that place.. in their sanctuary.. and a wave of guilt hit me unexpectedly. Another part of me felt sad that it had to end. In the loving comfort of Poseidon's familiar arms we snuggled together until the sunlight shining through the windows awoke us in the morning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Food. Poseidon was hungry. We had some pasta left over from a prior meal and I put it on the stove to reheat. It had been left in the pot from cooking and had quite a bit of water covering the noodles and of course the oil that had been put in from that as well. I was wearing the skirt O mentioned, which was apparently having the desired result, and he invited me for some private time in the bedroom. I made sure Poseidon knew the noodles were heating on the stove, checked with him to make sure he was ok with us stealing away, and we vanished behind the door. From that moment forward I paid no attention to the noises, or lack thereof, coming from the other side of that door.
I think O threw me to the bed. He rather caught me by surprise.. but only so much. I was intoxicated with his passion. When he reached for my panties I was indeed surprised. I may have had some reservations as I hadn't showered that morning.. and I certainly didn't want to be smelling odd the first time O would go down on me. There was also the newness in that this was the first time O and I had been alone together sexually. I suppose I may have had a combination of factors on my mind, but I was ultimately thrilled to be on the receiving end. He seemed to know just where to find my g spot.. and my clit hadn't been brought to life that quickly in memory. His technique was flawless and he made me cum at least twice, probably thrice. We discussed how my orgasms are different from Penelope's and how he hadn't been able to tell for sure. But I assured him he was perfect.
Then it was my turn.. and I did indeed get to suck him again. I love sucking O's cock.. and the chance to practice my deep throating techniques with him is always welcome. I sloppily stroked and sucked him, eagerly exploring the responses I would get with various techniques, until he shot his load on my tongue. As we lay together on the bed in the moments after I remember hearing the beeping. I don't think it had been going prior to that point as all the smoke alarms in the house were tied together.. and the one in the bedroom was certainly loud enough to get your attention.. no matter what you were up to. After commenting that I didn't like that noise I got up, checked the temperature of the door (cool) and opened it. Upon exiting to the hallway I saw that the house was indeed full of smoke. A few steps further and the pillar of flames caught by my peripheral vision had me running to the stove. It's a good thing I didn't panic.. I actually did what you're supposed to do.. I suffocated the flames by placing another pan that happened to be right there over the top of the pot. It worked! O grabbed the pot and took it outside.. which at first I thought was a little odd but then I realized it was still spewing forth tons of smoke.. and yes.. I saw him remove the pan to peek down in there and the sudden rush of oxygen reignited the fire. We sheepishly ran around opening every door and window and wondering where everyone else was. Apparently.. Poseidon had gotten.. um.. distracted.. and that meal would never be.
What I found most amazing about the whole thing was that it took that long for all the water to boil out and the oil to get hot enough to ignite. No permanent damage done and a good story to tell. I don't think I'll ever look at a fire quite the same way. ;)
The discovered variations in our orgasms became fodder for conversation later in the day. I was curious to explore this with the two men who knew them and could make the comparisons. I suppose it's the scientist in me taking control but I found it fascinating to discover that our orgasms could have such different qualities. Penelope sort of quivers when she cums. I do not. My orgasms are more of a wave like clamping, with the intensity of the clamping changing.
After dinner and drinks we again retreated to the loft. It seemed a good time to try out the mind altering herb we'd been saving. I think we were all transported to a different plane, but O is right.. the two of us were having so much fun talking and laughing that sex was the last thing on our minds. I remember having the conversation.. "shouldn't we be doing something?" with a hearty giggle.. but we both agreed we were having too much fun as it was.. and enjoying immensely the connection we had formed. At one point I remember going down to the kitchen for some juice.. and as long as I was down there I made a side trip to pee. While I was there in the aloneness of my mind I came to a realization about something that had been nagging at me, albeit in a somewhat subliminal way. I was relieved with this awareness and excited to share it with O. I felt comfortable enough with him by this point to share with him my deepest thoughts, fears and concerns. And, in his usual understanding fashion, he absorbed, accepted, and pulled me into him and we became one.
It had gotten quite late and the noises coming from P & P had subsided. They were sound asleep, appearing quite comfortable where they were. It looked inviting. But the question of what to do about sleeping was a tough one. O was definitely not comfortable where we were. I didn't want to miss out on cuddling with him if he went downstairs to the bedroom by himself. So.. in our half sober state we argued the points as if on the high school debate team and came to the conclusion that it would be innocent enough to simply go sleep in the big bed.. and everybody would be comfortable. Again.. this activity was something we'd all done before, and everybody had been comfortable enough with it the previous time.. so why be concerned this time.
But upon arrival in the bedroom another dilemma appeared.. which side? I'm easy and don't really have a preference and so I wanted O to make that determination as to which side he would sleep on. I recall a debate about whether Penelope might be taken aback if she were to find me sleeping on "her" side.. in "her" spot.. and so it was decided that O would sleep in that spot.. just so nobody would think they were being replaced. We turned out the light and snuggled up. When we heard the door open I was half asleep.. half stoned.. half terrified. The light flicked on.. stunning me like a deer in the headlights.. and I shot out of there and said goodnight. I suppose some part of me realized Penelope truly belonged in that place.. in their sanctuary.. and a wave of guilt hit me unexpectedly. Another part of me felt sad that it had to end. In the loving comfort of Poseidon's familiar arms we snuggled together until the sunlight shining through the windows awoke us in the morning.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
The Beach House (by Athena)
That first day of O&P's arrival seems so long ago now. The details blur. None of us got much sleep that first night.. we were all just taking each other in.. absorbing our physical energy.. finally. I remember waking that first morning to rain. It rained all day. Some say that it doesn't really rain all the time in Seattle.. that it's just a myth conjured to keep everybody away.. to keep it from becoming too overpopulated (as if that didn't happen a long time ago). But this day was one of those days.. the middle of August.. and not a spot of blue to be seen.. and no mountains rising up in the distance.. as we had promised. Oh well.. whatcha gonna do.
So.. we spent the day inside. No chance to go for a run.. no chance to check out the neighborhood.. no chance to take in the gorgeous scenery. But there are benefits to spending the day inside too. After a breakfast of cranberry scones O retreated to go rest in his own room. We were all pretty tired.. and he was dealing with jet lag too. It seemed like a necessity that would have been inevitable.. but that wouldn't keep me from feeling a little disappointed that he was gone, if even for just a little while.
I busied myself with cleaning up.. the 3 of us chatted about various things that I cannot recall. I swear I felt him calling out to me.. but I refrained from going to him uninvited for fear of stepping over boundaries.. privacy.. space. These would all be issues we would work through in the days to come. I was absolutely giddy when his text message came in. "Lonely over here..." A quick check with Penelope and Poseidon and I was on my way. I rubbed his back.. he rubbed mine. We kissed.. we melted into each other as we faded into sleep.
At some point the decision had to be made to move to the beach house. This could have been done at any time, I suppose, but we were holding out hope that the rain might actually ease off a little. But it certainly seemed to have no intent to stop. So we loaded the cars in the rain.. locked up and headed out. Sure enough.. as if according to plan.. the rain subsided just as we hit the highway. As we arrived at the beach house the three of them took in this magical place for the first time and I think I remember O doing a little dance.. this place was that amazing.. and it was all ours for 2 whole weeks.
We unpacked the cars, got settled in, had dinner, and moved upstairs to the loft. This was where the magic would happen.. well.. most of it anyway. More backrubs.. more making out.. Penelope and Poseidon were engrossed with each other over on the other futon.. and Odysseus and I finally had the chance to move into uncharted territory. It wasn't long before our kisses blended into full body explorations. With exuberance I sucked and stroked him with the sloppiest of porn star techniques.. I pushed his straining cock into the depth of my throat and he came exquisitely.. and I swallowed every last drop.. savoring the taste of this amazing man. Despite all the opportunities that lay ahead I could never have enough of that.. enough of him.
So.. we spent the day inside. No chance to go for a run.. no chance to check out the neighborhood.. no chance to take in the gorgeous scenery. But there are benefits to spending the day inside too. After a breakfast of cranberry scones O retreated to go rest in his own room. We were all pretty tired.. and he was dealing with jet lag too. It seemed like a necessity that would have been inevitable.. but that wouldn't keep me from feeling a little disappointed that he was gone, if even for just a little while.
I busied myself with cleaning up.. the 3 of us chatted about various things that I cannot recall. I swear I felt him calling out to me.. but I refrained from going to him uninvited for fear of stepping over boundaries.. privacy.. space. These would all be issues we would work through in the days to come. I was absolutely giddy when his text message came in. "Lonely over here..." A quick check with Penelope and Poseidon and I was on my way. I rubbed his back.. he rubbed mine. We kissed.. we melted into each other as we faded into sleep.
At some point the decision had to be made to move to the beach house. This could have been done at any time, I suppose, but we were holding out hope that the rain might actually ease off a little. But it certainly seemed to have no intent to stop. So we loaded the cars in the rain.. locked up and headed out. Sure enough.. as if according to plan.. the rain subsided just as we hit the highway. As we arrived at the beach house the three of them took in this magical place for the first time and I think I remember O doing a little dance.. this place was that amazing.. and it was all ours for 2 whole weeks.
We unpacked the cars, got settled in, had dinner, and moved upstairs to the loft. This was where the magic would happen.. well.. most of it anyway. More backrubs.. more making out.. Penelope and Poseidon were engrossed with each other over on the other futon.. and Odysseus and I finally had the chance to move into uncharted territory. It wasn't long before our kisses blended into full body explorations. With exuberance I sucked and stroked him with the sloppiest of porn star techniques.. I pushed his straining cock into the depth of my throat and he came exquisitely.. and I swallowed every last drop.. savoring the taste of this amazing man. Despite all the opportunities that lay ahead I could never have enough of that.. enough of him.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The Real Thing
Wow. Where to begin indeed! I think Penelope gave a good hint of the intense physical fun we all had.. she has a better memory of time lines than we do and we'll certainly chronicle the fun we had here in the days to come.. but for now we just wanted to convey what we felt was the most amazing part of all of this.
O&P are amazing in every sense of the word. She is more beautiful, sensual and erotic than the glimpses in the pictures you've seen could even begin to convey.. with a depth of emotion and understanding that boggles the mind. He is open, attentive, absorbing, intensely passionate and insanely hot!
It was truly devastating to watch them disappear behind TSA security gates. We miss them tremendously. Yes, the contact we have digitally and via phone calls will sustain life until we can all get together again.. but it's certainly not the same.
But no matter what we did physically, the most amazing component to this adventure is the connection we have all made emotionally. It's complicated, it's sometimes painful, it's life sustaining, and it's totally fucking awesome. Thinking and feeling together at the levels we now connect with O&P on has expanded our minds and deepened our own connection with each other tremendously. And, it has illustrated that perhaps the societal expectation of monogamy being the "norm" might be rooted in the fact that this is not child's play. There's a lot going on here.. and without a lot of reflection and contemplation and just plain emotional honesty most people would likely not be capable of dealing with it.
But for those of us who are willing to risk the comfort and security we have and journey beyond our established emotional unions, there's nothing like the love and raw energy that flows freely in the world of polyamory. You will experience highs and yes, sometimes occasional lows unlike you've felt for a long time.. but more than anything, if you're lucky.. like we have been.. you will be blessed with mental and emotional positive returns far in excess of anything you could ever imagine.
Go.. search.. enjoy. Be strong. Keep it open. Be respectful. Have the time of your life. Maybe if enough of us see the wonder and beauty of it all we can make it a little easier.
Life is good!
O&P are amazing in every sense of the word. She is more beautiful, sensual and erotic than the glimpses in the pictures you've seen could even begin to convey.. with a depth of emotion and understanding that boggles the mind. He is open, attentive, absorbing, intensely passionate and insanely hot!
It was truly devastating to watch them disappear behind TSA security gates. We miss them tremendously. Yes, the contact we have digitally and via phone calls will sustain life until we can all get together again.. but it's certainly not the same.
But no matter what we did physically, the most amazing component to this adventure is the connection we have all made emotionally. It's complicated, it's sometimes painful, it's life sustaining, and it's totally fucking awesome. Thinking and feeling together at the levels we now connect with O&P on has expanded our minds and deepened our own connection with each other tremendously. And, it has illustrated that perhaps the societal expectation of monogamy being the "norm" might be rooted in the fact that this is not child's play. There's a lot going on here.. and without a lot of reflection and contemplation and just plain emotional honesty most people would likely not be capable of dealing with it.
But for those of us who are willing to risk the comfort and security we have and journey beyond our established emotional unions, there's nothing like the love and raw energy that flows freely in the world of polyamory. You will experience highs and yes, sometimes occasional lows unlike you've felt for a long time.. but more than anything, if you're lucky.. like we have been.. you will be blessed with mental and emotional positive returns far in excess of anything you could ever imagine.
Go.. search.. enjoy. Be strong. Keep it open. Be respectful. Have the time of your life. Maybe if enough of us see the wonder and beauty of it all we can make it a little easier.
Life is good!
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