Where's My Crystal Ball?

As a child, before I met Poseidon, I had this idealized vision of what "the one" for me would be. I seriously doubted that I would ever find the man or woman who was my vision of perfection, but I still had hope. Then I met Poseidon. And although not the ultimate definition of what I wanted in that "perfect love", we connected on basically everything. We were so alike in so many ways, the friendship we developed was enough for me to dismiss my prior dreams as childish and recognize that he was what I needed. I gave up the fantasy and loved him completely. We were great partners, companions, friends. My best friend, in fact. I never doubted our emotional connection, although there were times that I wished that he could be a little more feeling, a little more connected to me emotionally. I understood logically that it just wasn't that way and accepted it. We shared decades together on exactly the same page.

Then one day I found myself on an interesting journey with my life partner. We explored new concepts of sharing love.. not just sex. We met Penelope and Odysseus and got to know them. We spent countless hours in chat, writing emails, on the phone, and eventually in person. Everyone here knows what an amazing guy Odysseus is, and pretty early on I felt that "there he is" feeling. Here was a man who could feel me. And, it seemed, we connected deeply. We held back no emotions and all jumped into the experience without reservations. It was amazing. I had discovered that it was not too late to find "the one" and basked in the assurance that having that dream could still happen, albeit in an unusual union of 4 instead of 2.

Then real life happened. There were difficulties integrating "the secret" into every day life. Big and little things had to be figured out, discomforts dealt with, boundaries and limitations put in place. Emotions soared out of control on occasion, but it was all part of the process of integrating each other into our lives.. into reality. We all knew we could not continue living that fantasy and so things changed to be more agreeable, more comfortable, more sustainable, for us all. Emotions were reigned in and sex was out. Somewhere around that time Penelope and Odysseus got pregnant.. and any remaining show of affections seemingly vanished overnight.

I grieved for what I had found and then lost. Although the "no sex" rule had been put in place there had never been any spoken requirement to shut off emotions.. and yet it seemed that was exactly what had happened. It confused me.. was it ever real? Was it all just more ego stroking? Doubts soared, and those coupled with all that was going on with Hera, and virtually no discussion about it, left me lost. Meanwhile I wanted, no needed, that connection from Poseidon more than ever.. but it's just not in his nature. I felt guilty for wanting more than Poseidon could give me.. no matter how much I wanted him to. I felt resentment and anger towards Poseidon for not being that for me, for not wanting to be that for me, assuming he could be if he even did want to be. We suffered communication and emotional breakdown. I picked him apart, found (or agreed with) every fault and tried, subconsciously, to divide us. Perhaps my twisted logic said that if he wasn't there I wouldn't have to endure the guilt and confusion of all that was spinning around uncontrollably in my head. It didn't help that he responded with anger and confusion of his own, fueling the path to destruction.

But we're stronger than that at our core. We picked it apart, we talked about it, analyzing it till we were both so drained there was simply no energy left. With our base logic and the tremendous support we have for each other, plus a core belief that we should each do everything we can to help the other be happy, we figured out what was going on and were able to see it for what it was. It's taken a lot of effort to get here. Penelope and Odysseus have themselves been remarkably helpful and supportive through this process that they no doubt found exceptionally confusing.. and perhaps even scary at times. The exploration of self, of what drives us and our reactions, has been intense and exhausting, but I wouldn't change a thing. Penelope and I have become great friends and I love her tremendously. I'm torn apart by wanting more from her and Odysseus than they are comfortable giving, and the comfort and security I want her to feel knowing SHE is the only one who is important to Odysseus, the only one he would choose to love.

Having realized all of this has smoothed things with Poseidon again. We're best friends, and always will be. I'm hopeful that he can come to a place soon where he can forgive me completely for what I've put him through. With each of these challenges that we're faced with and are able to work through, our love for each other grows and is strengthened, and I've never felt more in love with Poseidon than I do right now.

As for the 4 of us.. I can dream of a time when we can all share our love openly and securely amongst ourselves without concern for the oppressive views of society.. just truly loving each other together in love's most perfect form. It may be possible if we can focus on the positive energy and support and let go of the fear. As the strength and beauty of what our group is can only be had with all of us present and participating, division from within would be certain destruction. Only the future knows what may come, and its not sharing any secrets.

Catching Up...

Lots going on around here.. and posting about it all before now seemed.. well.. possibly detrimental. We had, up until recently, still been working through some remaining issues that were hindering understanding in a few areas. Thankfully, we seem to have worked through what remaining bits of reservations we may have had lingering and are in a much better place with our relationship. I will try to add a little bit to what Penelope wrote.

One thing I should say that I think might be useful to some is that Poseidon and I were very private people before this transition in our lives. We focused pretty exclusively on ourselves and our kids and didn't really have close friends with whom we could share more intimate elements of ourselves. It had been a few years since any poly adventures and meeting O & P, with whom we had so much in common, plus the potential benefits of hot and sweaty fun, was amazing.

It was so easy to fall in love.. this relationship was so much more than the purely physical adventures we'd experienced before. We connected on so many levels.. it just felt right. But in the excitement we didn't recognize a few key differences that have caused some confusion. One of those was that Poseidon and I have the poly philosophy ingrained in us to our cores. Although we recognized that might not the case for O & P, and that they were new to these adventures, I don't think either of us really considered the possibility that it could be just an experimental phase.. that it might be possible to shut that part of our relationship off and go on as if nothing had ever happened in our collective sweaty nakedness. And when that turn came we were indeed confused and left wondering what had happened. Our communication at that point had not yet matured completely to where we could discuss it openly.. and on some levels I'm pretty sure we all just needed some time to breathe and figure out what it was that was going on. Of course the pregnancy was a big part of that and we tried to always respect their needs for time and space to process what was going on. But there were definitely times when we wondered if the pull back may have been caused by us.. or something we had done.. or said.. or whatever. Insecurities have a way of rearing their ugly heads in situations like that.

Another difference we discovered is that (and perhaps this is a universal human trait.. would have to do more research on this) we tend to look at the actions of others and assign our own motivations to them had we performed the same actions. It took some time to figure out that each of us has different perceptions of events based on what our lives have taught us.. and no matter how similar we may be in some areas.. we are different in others. Recognizing that difference in perspective.. the difference in our lenses.. has cleared the way for much better understanding. It's hard enough sometimes for a husband and wife to learn those differences in each other.. but then throw in a second husband and wife.. so now you have four people learning those differences in each other.. and you're bound to run into misinterpretations. It's taken a lot of patience and a strong core friendship to get us through those.

We are learning a lot about what drives us, how we respond to various situations, what the bases for our reactions are. We are all very analytical and love to explore these points so it's been ultimately beneficial to go through this (I think). We're exceptionally lucky in that we are all supportive of each other and can open up completely without feeling like we'll be judged or shunned. I think that strong base friendship has been the key to this whole thing.. it has been the glue that binds us together.

Away Mission

As luck would have it, I drew the short straw and am currently on a mission to dispose of property we left behind in Washington so many months ago. I find myself many, many miles from home, as well as my favorite cock in the universe. It's been weeks! And, although I've been very busy most of that time, all of a sudden I am so horny I do not know what to do with myself!

As I mindlessly pack boxes and clean things in preparation for the eventual sale my mind wanders to fantasies that have been hibernating for quite a long while. At one point today I actually found myself thinking such naughty thoughts. Surely in all of Puget Sound I could manage to find a couple of strapping young men with nice hard cocks to help me with my cock withdrawals. I got to thinking how easy it would be to go find those cocks and spend the whole night fucking, sucking and DPing like the insatiable slut that I am.

But that's not how we do things.. for many reasons. It was just a fantasy after all.. as fun as it might be to think about acting it out. And that got me thinking about fantasies in general. Will a day ever come when I've actually had all my fantasies fulfilled? I can't imagine how that would be. What then becomes fodder for future fantasies? It seems to me these fantasies have been around forever.. and to eliminate them from that category and simply call them past experiences?? It's more than I can grasp. Are there any readers who have come to that point? What happens next? Is there fuel for new fantasies just waiting around the corner?

In the meantime I've got my trusty vibrator to keep me company.. but my oh my would I really love to have one of these... mmmmmmm...

So.. here I am.. all lonely with no hot throbbing cocks to give me release and nothing but tired old fantasies to fuel the fires. Tell me, if you should find me out there roaming around in Puget Sound on that quest for cock, what would you do with me?

Moving past the past...

What an interesting 2 months it's been. I discovered under the recent unusual evolution of my life and the stress that came from it that I had some issues from long ago hiding in the cobwebs of my brain that I needed to work through. They were buried very deep but still affecting me, my behavior and responses, and worst of all, the way in which I process new relationships, especially with women.

Learning about these deeply buried hindrances allowed me to analyze what impact they were still having on me and address those limitations in myself. Having done that I feel tremendously better, not only about myself, but also about my feelings and how my actions affect those closest to me. Of course this is only touching lightly on the surface of the issue.. I'm not going to get too deep into it here.. but suffice it to say I feel as if great stone walls have been crumbled under this new awareness.

Enter my relationship with Penelope. We were having some trouble in figuring each other out. We've discussed my issues and I couldn't be happier to report that we are now climbing over those heaps of rubble from those crumbled walls and forming an amazing friendship. Life is good.

Resolution for the New Year

Well here we are.. a new year has begun! I don't usually make New Year's Resolutions, but this time I thought of one that I really want to work hard at. I resolve to take O's cock all the way down my throat and hold it there while he sprays his cum down my throat. Fun for all!

The only problem with that plan is I will be deprived of the taste. But it will be fun to mix it up.. there will be many opportunities to savor the deliciousness.

Happy New Year all!

Happy Holidays!

Well, it looks like we have done it again. It has been over a month since we last posted. We have been bad bloggers. Hopefully Santa will forgive us.

We have legitimate excuses though...we've been busy having lots of fun with O&P and thoroughly enjoying our new and snowy home! (Hmm...I wonder if Santa will accept that first one...;) )

Now that we've gotten settled in we'll be able to be good and write a little more often.

Happy Holidays everyone!

A new chapter

Has it really been more than a month since we last posted?

My first reaction on realizing this is how could that be? It doesn't feel like it has been anywhere near that long.

But I guess we have been kind of, um, busy... :)

If I think about it for a moment, I realize that I can't easily define in my mind how long ago that last post was written. On one hand it feels like it was just yesterday, while on the other it feels incredibly distant, as if it were a lifetime ago.

At the time of that last post, our adventures with Odysseus and Penelope had consisted of online interaction and two amazing weeks of vacation together. When early on in those adventures we found ourselves having quite a bit of fun and becoming closer very quickly, all of us began to wonder (and discuss at length late in to the night) what it might be like if we lived nearby...as in walking distance nearby...

Without getting too specific, it just so happened that Athena and I were at a moment in our lives when we were closing one chapter and moving on to the next. And, as luck and fate (for lack of a better word) would have it, we were also in a situation where we were completely flexible as to where this next chapter could begin. And when, after those two amazing weeks of vacation had shown us all that being together in person brought us benefits and connections in areas far beyond the purely physical, we began to pursue the possibility of moving closer in earnest.

Neither Athena or I are the fatalistic type...if anyone is a firm believer in free will and self determination, it is us. That being said though, we have definitely noticed something unusual and amazing about our relationship with O&P, everything either happens or is enabled very easily with them, and this time was no different. So as usual, once we began looking at the specifics of moving, all the pieces of first planning and then actually executing the move (some of them quite complex) proceeded to fall into place with no effort at all.

And so, after seemingly little work on our part, and some amazing help and encouragement from O&P, we are here.

In what has really been a fairly short period of time since that last post and our arrival here, we have all experienced things and grown together in ways we couldn't have imagined beforehand. For the four of us, this is about more than physical exploration and awesome sex late into the night...at the core this is also about exploring each other on many other levels and forging connections intellectually and emotionally. For us, that part is a major component of what makes our physical connections so natural and amazing.

Being so close to each other has enhanced and accelerated this process of exploration and discovery by a dizzying amount at times, but because we more or less had the process down before we arrived, we all expected that is what would happen once we were here. What we didn't expect though, was how difficult it can sometimes be to find ways of simply integrating all of that exploration and discovery into the routine of everyday life. Instant and easy access to one another has definitely presented us with new questions about space, balance, planning, being spontaneous, spending the night, maintaining discretion, and more.

What makes our relationship so amazing is the way in which we relate with each other and work through questions, ideas and concerns that come up. Among the four of us we have established a level of honesty, trust, understanding and respect that allows us to comfortably and enjoyably discuss and experience anything that is on our minds. No worries, no stress, no boundaries. Everything we do is completely natural and nothing is off limits.

All of this is exhilarating, hot, sexy, fun, enlightening, intense, and completely amazing.

I couldn't possibly imagine anywhere I would rather be.